CHAPTER 24

Original (Published in Lun's World): 2005-01-01

Rewritten: 2025-07-29

When the social worker clearly stated that he also agreed to Lun's move into the group home for adults with special needs, my heart beat hardly.

Lun will be 19 this November (2004) and be an adult legally. We have already been planning for his future, and have scheduled a meeting with social workers from the Children's and Adults' Team of the Community Living BC. On that day, I truly experienced the conflicting emotions of parents of children with special needs, and I suddenly heard my own loud heartbeat.

Caring for Lun is exhausting, and I often feel intensely exhausted. Around the age of 40, various chronic illnesses emerged, causing my wife and I to worry about how much longer I could hold on. During a sharing session, a now-retired manager of the Adult Team of the Community Living BC strongly advised the social workers present that parents should arrange for their children to enter government-run hostels or foster homes as early as possible, while they are still young.

A comprehensive analysis of the reasons for this is that: (1) Young children are more adaptable and can adapt to hostel life earlier and more easily. (2) Children confined to home are limited in the variety and level of activity they can engage in, while their caregivers are often parents, who, with aging, are prone to a decline in vitality, which directly reduces the intensity of their children's activities. I have met people with good limbs and mobility who, after 20 years at home, have lost the ability to walk. (3) The limited social contact of being confined at home can easily make children more withdrawn and timid. (4) The sudden deterioration of elderly parents and the need to abruptly relocate their children puts even greater pressure on both parents and children. (5) With an aging population, the supply of hostel spaces is becoming increasingly scarce.

After many discussions with my wife, we agreed to arrange for Lun to move into a group home as soon as he reached adulthood, turning nineteen. Given his severe autism and unique lifestyle, the foster family was unable to care for him alone.

We were fortunate to reconnect with a familiar social worker. The social worker in the adult team who was about to take over Lun's case had previously worked with him for many years while working in the children's team and was very familiar with my family's situation. He was very tall, so I'll call him Mr. Gao (sounds tall in Cantonese).

During the meeting, I suggested arranging for Lun to move into a group home as soon as he reached adulthood. Mr. Gao, the social worker in the adult department, agreed without hesitation. When he said, "I agree," my heart suddenly beat loudly inside, as I suddenly realized that Lun would indeed leave us.

Over the years, like other parents raising children with special needs, we had become accustomed to long waits, and this time, we anticipated some setbacks. We knew he would leave us one day, but that was a matter for the future, not a matter of urgency.

The social worker's quick response, which took only two seconds, caught me completely off guard. Outwardly, I remained calm and continued discussing the application, but inside, I was shocked at how quickly things had progressed. Having said that, I'm incredibly grateful to Mr. Gao for his understanding and assistance with my family. After that day, I looked at Lun and wondered how he would live after he left us, and how we would adjust to his absence. We and Lun were entering a new phase.