CHAPTER 71

Original (Published in Evergreen News): 2001-02-19

Rewritten: 2025-07-30

The experiences and feelings of hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital are quite different from those in a regular hospital. I will first rewrite my experience of hospitalization in early February 2001 for gallbladder cancer removal. The following section will describe my experience in a psychiatric hospital in 2019.

Recently (2001), I had surgery and was hospitalized for five days. I was then on sick leave for a month, unable to move, resting at home, eating well, and sleeping, essentially surviving. Let's not talk about the surgery now, but rather the five days of hospitalization. Each day was different, and it's worth recording.

During this time, I realized that different situations and experiences lead to different desires, and obsessing over satisfying a particular desire can consume a great deal of energy. But often, once a difficult situation is alleviated, whether for external or internal reasons, the desire disappears.

I had surgery in the morning and was recovering in the ward by the afternoon. A tube was inserted into my back to deliver anesthesia, and a tube in my arm was inserted to deliver plasma and nutrients. In addition to a urine bag, a vacuum bag was hung on my right lower abdomen to drain the blood.

I was dazed and unable to move. When I regained some consciousness, I noticed the nurse had prepared a glass of water for me and three small sponges, similar to the ones used to apply white canvas shoes in Hong Kong in the 1960s and 1970s. Seeing my family nearby and feeling extremely thirsty, I asked my wife to clean my teeth with the sponges to quench my thirst. At that moment, my greatest desire was a glass of water.

Late in the quiet of the night, I quietly sipped the water, each sip more delicious than nectar. After enduring this all night, I longed for a can of ice-cold Coca-Cola.

The next day, the doctor told me I could drink water and juice. I was so happy that I quickly asked the nurse for a large glass of ice water. Later, I wondered if jelly was a clear liquid. I asked the nurse that afternoon, and she confirmed it was. I was overjoyed, and my wife quickly bought a glass of grape jelly. The first sip was truly delicious.

Dinner arrived, and surprisingly, it contained 2% fat milk and ice cream. I immediately drank the milk, and I was amazed at how delicious it was. The melted ice cream also surprised me. That night, I nibbled on the jelly every once in a while to relieve my dry mouth. My brother even gave me a bottle of Sprite.

It's just that I drank too much soda, which caused me to phlegm. Then I started coughing, which hurt my wound, so I stopped wanting soda. But the nurse said that coughing helps with recovery, so there's nothing to worry about.

The next morning, three doctors came to see me and told me not to drink milk, fearing it would cause stomach nausea. How could I balance my stomach acid without milk? I asked my attending physician for confirmation, and she said, "Don't listen to them." I was overjoyed. Breakfast arrived, I devoured it all, accepting everything. By the afternoon, the blood bag was gone, followed by the anesthetic device and urine bag. I was able to get out of bed and walk around every day.

On the third day, I could brush my teeth and wash my face on my own.

On the fourth day, I could use the bathroom. That afternoon, the doctor came to talk to me about Lun. Before I knew it, she pulled the last tube connected to my lower left abdomen out with one hand. It felt like my intestines were being pulled out, but without the tube, I felt lighter and relieved.

The painkillers I took that night were too strong, and I had hallucinations and dreams of ghosts. When I woke up, I saw the elderly man in the bed across from me vomiting blood. I was terrified. I just wanted to be discharged as soon as possible, but at the same time, another desire emerged: to be able to go back to work, to live a healthy and energetic life despite the hard work. Life is like that, desires come one after another, endlessly.