CHAPTER 69

2025-07-24

After three weeks in the psychiatric ward, I was discharged and went home as scheduled. I said as scheduled because the attending doctor told my wife so.

A few days after I was admitted to the hospital, the medical team learned about my medical history, medication, and preliminary test reports in detail. After several days of observation, the attending doctor answered my wife's question as follows. My wife asked the doctor, can my illness be cured?

When I was admitted to the hospital, my wife, my younger brother, and I had no idea how long I would need to stay in the psychiatric ward? Every time a mental patient relapses, even if he recovers, his overall physical and mental state is generally worse than before the onset of the disease. And at that time, we had the idea that mental patients could not fully recover.

Therefore, during the three months of the onset of the disease, I was very resistant to labels such as depression or anxiety. I had suffered from enough diseases, and all of them were under control. I really didn't want to suffer from an incurable disease again.

I also suffered from long-term insomnia, and my body and mind could not support it. I hoped that the medicine prescribed by my family doctor could calm my emotions and help me sleep so that I could restore my body functions. But the opposite happened. My condition worsened day by day, and I was eventually hospitalized, and my wish was shattered.

In fact, none of us three knew whether I could recover and be discharged from the hospital. Even if I could leave the hospital, it did not mean that I could go home. Maybe I would have to live in a halfway house, or even for a long time? There is a dormitory near my home that can accommodate 30 patients. When Lunlun was in elementary school, I took a walk nearby and noticed that the house was larger than an ordinary detached house. I went in to ask out of curiosity.

I am engaged in social work and counseling. In my work, I need to contact psychological and psychiatric services and patients. I am a service provider and never thought that I would become a patient and have to stay in a mental hospital. I can't accept this change of identity.

In the hospital, the attending doctor was about 40 years old, with a Spanish surname. He was concise and smart. I was a little afraid of him because he had the power to discharge me. In the first week, he talked to me almost every morning. During the second or third meeting, I was smart and commented that my condition was "very complicated". He immediately replied: "No. You suffer from typical clinical depression. The complexity of your condition lies in the medication. The reason is related to the anti-rejection drugs you take."

This answer opened my eyes. The doctor is indeed a specialist. His judgment is more accurate than mine, and he pointed out different areas to me. I dare not act rashly in front of the doctor anymore and can only obey.

My wife and I are both laymen. Afterwards, I thought about why the doctor was so sure that I could be discharged in three weeks. It is estimated as follows:

During the hospitalization, a comprehensive physical examination was performed to screen the cause of the disease.

First week: The hospital first arranged for me to stop taking the "wrong" medicine prescribed by the family doctor. During this period, I had to take an excessive sedative until my body eliminated the "wrong" medicine.

Week 2: Take new medicine, observe the body's reaction to the new medicine, and whether there are any side effects.

Week 3: Adjust the dosage and take care of the body, try to go home for a night, if everything goes well, you can go home on the weekend.

Now I can talk about it clearly, but I was not as clear-headed as I am today. I was basically nervous and in a state of survival. I was confused and easily frightened. After gradually calming down, I resumed the rhythm and needs of life, and returned to the group from a lonely patient, and rational thinking began to work.

These three weeks of life were a long experience for my inner self.