CHAPTER 65

2025-07-09

In the past few months, he did not treat my visit with ease as before, but showed an anxious expression.

Tonight (Wednesday) at 6:10, I was sitting leisurely in a rocking chair in the backyard of Lun's group home, watching him pace back and forth along the fence from a distance. I took some photos and short videos of him. He has been like this since he was a child. From time to time, he holds his hands behind his back, heads slightly forward, hunches his shoulders, and paces inadvertently and quietly for 20 minutes. He is 38 years old, his head is a little droopy, and he looks obviously old from a distance.

Suddenly he walked towards me, with a nervous look, whimpering, and stretched out his right hand. I stretched out my hand in response out of habit. He held the index finger of my right hand, pulled me up, led me to the gate of the back garden, and instructed me to leave.

I stayed for an hour. As soon as I entered the group home, I helped him brush his teeth. I had dinner with him in the backyard. At his request, I shared my spaghetti with him after he finished his plate. After dinner, I privately treated him to some potato chips. In the past, when the weather was cool, Lun would go back to the bedroom to rest after eating inside. He would lie on the bed and look at the clock on the wall from time to time. When the time came, he would hint me to leave.

He has never said words related to time, date, week, day, month and year. I am not sure if he has a sense of time or understands what time is. But what is certain is that he knows it in his mind, and his patience is limited. I always quietly accompany him and do not disturb him, but my existence itself is a disturbance.

In the past few months, he did not treat my visit with ease as before, but showed an anxious expression. Two weeks ago, I visited him earlier than usual, and his stares showed surprise and hostility. I guess it was because I volunteered to cut his hair twice after he refused service from a barber shop. He linked dad's visit with the unpleasant experience of haircut, and I am on the "not necessarily welcome list".

I did not resist his act, but reported Lun’s act to the staff, and they were also surprised. Then I repeated the standard procedures with Lun before leaving. It was obvious that Lun was a bit resistant to me tonight.

Of course I was not happy, but it happened. I can only find a way to remedy it. Firstly, I should not mention haircuts for the time being, and leave this responsibility to the group home for follow up. Secondly, I'll treat him with snacks during visits, so that he can slowly remove me from the "not necessarily welcome list".