CHAPTER 52

2025-05-30

I came back from hell, and it has been six years. Now I want to tell you about this purgatory journey.

On Sunday, May 29, 1983, I married Victoria. I was 23 years old that year. On May 29, 2019, the 36th anniversary of our marriage, I took an ambulance to the regional hospital under the persuasion of the police. My family asked me to be examined by the psychiatrist on duty to diagnose my mental state. The doctor on duty referred me to day treatment to book an appointment to see him. That year was the Year of the Pig, and I was 60 years old.

Two nights later, my younger son and wife insisted on sending me to the emergency room of the same hospital again. I still had to see a psychiatrist. After that, I stayed in the hospital for three weeks before being discharged, which was longer than the 18 days I was hospitalized for liver transplant. My wife also asked to see a doctor because of palpitations.

At that time, I had been suffering from severe insomnia for nearly three consecutive months. My family doctor had increased the dosage of psychiatric medication twice (this medicine was not only ineffective, but also aggravated my condition). I lost 15 pounds, my mental tension reached its peak, and my life fell to the lowest point. My brain was like an engine that could not be stopped. Whenever my eyes drooped due to fatigue, I would wake up immediately. The speed of my thoughts was like a raging express train, but there were no brakes or steering wheels. It was like being trapped alone on a cliff, surrounded by an abyss.

It has been six years since I came back from hell. Now I want to tell you about this purgatory journey.

It is risky to mention those dark years again, for fear of evoking pain, shocking the soul, and causing a relapse of the disease. But since I have experienced it, I am a social worker by profession and have been engaged in counseling for many years. During the process of illness, hospitalization and reflection, I have broadened my horizons and gained new insights. Writing articles has the effect of community education. From the perspective of the writer, the content of the article is highly readable and entertaining. From the perspective of the need and protection of privacy, the content of the article should be cautious to avoid harm to myself and others.

The sudden death of my wife is a reminder to seize the time to do useful things. From the perspective of a person who has experienced it and a counselor, there should not be many articles that describe the illness and recovery process of depressed patients. After weighing it, I decided to go ahead

The writing is mainly light and simple, and keep a distance to keep myself healthy physically and mentally. If I feel heavy and unbearable, I must immediately "turn off the engine" and get off the car for a short rest.