The World of Lun

We chose to love and care for Lun as before, but to adjust our expectations for him. This was the starting point to begin a new life.

 

How were we going to face the diagnosis that Lun suffered from childhood autism, and how to carry on with our lives?

 

Certainly it was a shock like thunder. The most unwanted thing in my life.

 

What kind of path would it be like? Since he could not live independently, it meant that we had to take care of him for a very long time or even for life. With growth, the developmental gap between him and children of his age will widen continuously.

 

He was only four years old and so cute. Yet a long and challenging path was laid in front of us and him. The most unbearable thought was who was going to look after him after the parents’ unavoidable death, usually earlier than his. Would others treat him as what parents did? Would he be abused?

 

Such thoughts were horrifying.

 

So till now, I always wished that I could last longer than him. I was almost twenty-seven when Lun was born. He is very likely to live a very long life, judging from his lifestyle and attitude towards life. Even if I could reach a hundred, he would be only seventy-three. This thought is more of a wild wish, yet it comforts me whenever it appears.

 

On the day of the shocking diagnosis, we didn't break down in tears. Instead we looked at Lun and faced each other with no word.

 

We could always comfort each other whatever happened since the time we met, married, when Lun was born, and till the day of diagnosis. Even quarrels would settle just  after a few days. 

 

How could we comfort each other this time?

 

It was deadly quiet in the following two days. What could we say? We laid on the bed looking up emptily at the ceiling and we're occupied by thoughts. How could we digest and understand this news?

 

Our thoughts carried on to the following night.

 

These were our thoughts. Anyway before the diagnosis of childhood autism we always loved Lun. He was the same Lun after. He was cute and was our baby. Nothing could change our love for him.

 

Upon the assessment by the doctor, a medical name was given to Lun's symptoms. It should and could not depreciate his place in our hearts. He was our dearest. What needed to change was our expectations for him, and we would walk together on another path.

 

We figured it out finally. That could be understood as acceptance of reality.

 

Parents’ love was the foundation on which we pledged for his well-being. 

 

We chose to accept reality and adjust our expectations for him. This was the starting point to begin a new life.

 

With the breakthrough in understanding, much sorrow was prevented in the days following. In comparison, physical suffering from the long hour care work for Lun was easier to take. The unending mental suffering could eliminate hope. Physical suffering could be handled by a day of sleep or more time of rest. This was how we lived our lives in the past twelve years.